I love you when I don't want to love anyone
by HipWallflower
Summary: A fic about the Marauders and their lives as friends. First chapter is RLSB if you squint. Remus/OC. Rated T for slash
1. Eating dirt

Remus Lupin was sick. His stomach kept lurching and gurgling and doing many other unpleasent things you wouldn't want to know about. In Remus' eyes, it was all Sirius' fault. Because the boys were only eleven and Sirius dared Remus to eat dirt, and Remus was really trying to become James and Sirius' friend, so he ate a handful of the sloppy brown stuff. If they don't like you, Peter confided, they beat the snot out of you, which I found out the first day, but we're friends now, James, Sirius and I, Peter promised. Because Peter seemed pleasent enough, if not a little stuffy and hero worshipping, Remus thought the idea would be wise, because he really needed friends.

In retrospect, it was actually really stupid. He and Sirius and James and Peter would be brothers anyway. It was fate, and no one blocks fate. But vomitting over the side of the cot in the hospital wing was very painful for poor Remus, as he was very fragile and thin. Despite the fact that Remus was there because of him, he was glad when Sirius showed up that night.

"Hello young Remus with the weak stomach," drawled Sirius as he loped in gracefully, already having established himself as dramatic and mischevious in a couple weeks at Hogwarts. Remus couldn't deny even then that Sirius was beautiful. As the dark haired boy sat at the foot of the werewolf's bed, Remus knew they'd be great friends, even if it involved eating more dirt. Because Sirius, with his boyish good looks, brilliant mind and effortless cool, was hard not to like, just like James, even if they thought Remus eating dirt was funny.

Even as Remus barfed up something that probably could've been his spleen, he one arm hugged Sirius and asked, "Friends?" Sirius grinned, answering with a rowdy, "HELL YEAH!" Remus smiled shakily. It was the beginning of the tumultuous and wonderful years for all four boys


	2. Death and Diaries

"Why does it never work? It never does! Tell me I'll fall in love James, promise you'll go to the ends of the earth to find me love! I'd do it for you! Please!" begged Sirius after his fifth (or fifteenth) terrible date with one of Hogwarts best catches. Sadly, they were running out of hotties. Sirius nealy killed himself when James pointed out this fact. However, as is often with best friends, when Sirius tried shoving the nearest object (Remus' diary ... oh sorry, _journal_) down his throat, James jumped into action. With all the Chaser power pent up in him since practice, James launched himself at his best mate, snatching away the diary (Journal! Journal!) and hurling it to the ground. Once the pair sat up, frazzled, James grabbed it again, examining the rough brown cover and the edges of the thick pages and splitting binding.

"Woahwoahwoah. I grabbed our dear Moony's diary ...!" whispered Sirius, too excited to be trusted.

With a groan, James put it on the ground. "We will read it, but not here. He can not find out. But we will find out _everything_ we never knew," promised James, grabbing his Invisibility Cloak.


	3. What they never knew

"Now, we read it," whispered James as he and Sirius crawled out from under the Cloak, into the the empty corridor. The Book of Remus, as the boys had decided to call it, lay between them, a wall waiting to be torn down. Sirius dove in, anxious to find out what Remus thought and felt. The boys may have been friends for five years, but Remus always kept a lot quiet and mysterious. Nobody truly knew Remus but Remus himself.

"_April 19, 1975. Dear journal. I think I have fallen in love_," quoted Sirius in a voice that told James he had never been this nervous or thrilled in his life.

Grabbing away the journal from Sirius, James read aloud, "_He is a sixth year in Ravenclaw. I think he likes me. We have studied alot together, even though he is older. Oh, he is beautiful. Wire framed glasses, dark hair, deep eyes, great mind ...I must be in love. I have never wanted anyone so bad. I ahve almost melted, being so close to him all those times. I never knew I liked boys until him. Loving him is so confusing, though! Maybe I am not even gay. Or bi. Or whatever. I do not think the Marauders will understand. The one thing I know is that I love him._" Sirius and James stared up at each other in shock.

"Moony fell in love! Last week!" James said excitedly.

Sirius closed the journal and looking severly at James, questioned why Remus never told them.

"I guess he was nervous," James suggested.

Sighing, Sirius simply went to the next entry. "_Dear journal. I kissed him! He said he has liked me for so long. I told him I feel the same, and we went up to his dorm after that. If you were Sirius, you would say we shagged, but we just kissed and talked more. It was amazing! We both said I love you and I was so scared, but elated too. I feel so ugly next to him sometimes. I think James and Pete will like him, but I dunno about Sirius._ He feels _ugly_! And why does he think I will dislike this guy!"

James shrugged.

Sirius continued, "Come on! We need to ask Rem where he went last night, like we noticed he was gone. We can ask if maybe he is seeing someone. Do _not _say a girl though. We have to make him comfortable. But it's all a decent lie." Then he gulped a mouthful of air and looked a little afraid. James couldn't help feeling the exct same way.


End file.
